It Takes Two to Tango
by ksv12
Summary: G1 - The Arks resident surly human gets more than she signed up for when Sideswipe asks a personal question. Her denial prompts a more... servos on approach. AKA In which Sideswipe gets an idea and Kennedy hates everything. [A realistic(ish) Kissplayers study]


Kennedy Hopper decided this was officially, the worst temp job she'd ever had. She'd been almost electrocuted twice, nearly stepped on more times than she cared for and gotten by far _the_ worst case of allergies she'd ever had.

"This is _so_ not what I signed up for!"

She frowned, hands pausing in their delicate work, looking back eight months. Okay, maybe it was technically. All she needed was some extra cash to keep her going for the summer. Wasn't her fault she got fired from her last job. Or the one before that. Or Mama D's Diner. Okay maybe that Barista job was her fault... But still! The jerks that worked at that auto shop thought they knew more than her? Yeah right. But seriously it wasn't her fault Mr. Nickles was allergic to _Barbie_ pink spray paint. What was he even doing working as a auto body technician if he swelled up like a grape if he so much as touched the stuff?

In the end though, that fiasco was the last straw for Burt's Auto Repair and Paint. So, out of a job and with her share of the rent coming up, Kennedy was eager to find new work. Luckily the university she attended happened to have a program lending students that volunteered to a foreign ally company for a decent allowance. 'Apprentice Engineer' sounded like a wonderful idea at the time, despite the suspicious amounts of paperwork she had to sign. A day later, and a car trip to what looked like the movie set of a bad Sci-Fi flick for the color blind, she met her new boss.

Don't get her wrong, she _had_ heard of the aliens taking refuge on their planet a few years back, she just happened not to care. Honestly, she liked to pretend they didn't exist. They were taking mankind's limited renewable energy, screwing up the economy, causing natural disasters, enslaved humanity at least once and to top it off, it was all her roommate could talk about. Needless to say, she was _not_ a fan.

So you can understand that when she met Wheeljack for the first time, she blinked once, twice, turned heel and speed walked away.

Unfortunately it couldn't be that easy, apparently those papers they had her sign were put in place exactly for people like her. Those that wanted nothing to do with the Autobot/Decepticon war taking place, but were desperate for cash. Those papers signed her up for a two year apprenticeship with the Autobots. If she walked away, she would be assumed a defector to the Decepticons and be considered a traitor to the United States of America. AKA jail for life. Assholes.

As it turns out, 'Apprentice Engineer' is code for 'Here's your welder and here's your stepladder, now go clean up after Dinobot numbers 1, 2 and 4. Kay thanks ciao!'

Which lead her to right now. Fixing a giant fucking hole in the wall practically spewing coaxial cables the size of her thigh.

With one steel toed boot on the top rung of her ladder, and the other straddling burnt metal, Kennedy using her many years of gymnastics to ever so slowly bend backwards to reach with her thick rubber gloved hands the problem wire spitting electricity.

"Aha! Gotcha Mr. Sparkles! Now if I could only snip...here, and...a little off the top here!" Holding the newly striped wires in one fist she grinned, flicked her mask down and blindly pawed at her worn leather tool belt for her welder nozzle...

"Talking to yourself again, huh?"

Making an attractive yacking noise, Kennedy overbalanced and felt her foot slip on the ridged metal rung of the ladder. Oh shit! She had two split second choices now; either let go of the wires she was about to fuse together and break her neck at the bottom of the wall crevice, or hang on to the wires and yank them and all their neighbors out of place pushing her work back at least three hours.

Thankfully the choice wasn't hers to make as her official pain in the ass saved the day. She looked up at Sideswipe to find his digits pinching the front of her oil stained _Duran Duran_ t-shirt. What? A girls got her weaknesses...

Dangling approximately seven feet in the air, Kennedy sent a dry look to him and his companions. Bluestreak was looking at her worriedly and Trailbreaker a little apologetic, Sunstreaker looked a cross between bored and annoyed. Knowing his dislike of humans, his brother probably dragged him along.

"Do you... have _any idea_ what could have happened had you not caught me?" She glared.

"I don't need to know, I wasn't going to let you fall. Just wanted to surprise you is all." He pouted setting her down on the obscenely orange metal flooring, managing to at least look a little sheepish.

Sideswipe and his brother were the two mecha on this blasted ship that she was absolutely sure had it out for her. Kennedy had been working for the Autobots since March this past year, and shortly after she got her first assignment (cleaning the inside of the air ducts) was when they first met. They had been outside the second west wing vent in the middle of prying off the grate when she asked them just what they thought they were doing. Needless to say they were surprised, (Sideswipe) and disgusted, (Sunstreaker) to find a little dust smudged organic mammal running around their ships innards. Apparently planting stink bombs to prank the Autobot high command during their meeting was more important than brig time. Ever since then they have taken every opportunity to ask her stupid questions, disrupt her work (forcing her into unpaid overtime) and just plain annoying her.

Arms crossed Kennedy met the bots' optics one at a time until they shifted uncomfortably under her blank stare. Satisfied they'd all been properly chastised, she proceeded to ignore them by climbing back up her ladder to the gaping hole she had been working on.

"Hey wait! Look I'm sorry about startling you okay? Before you start ignoring us like usual, we actually do have a reason for bugging you this time."

Well, this is new.

Kennedy stopped her ascent on the forth rung up. Pulling out a lime green scrunchy, she turned around and flopped down on the cold gray metal. Taking off her four fingered left glove she ran her hand through her shaggy grain colored hair. She winced when her tangles caught in the tender gap between her pinky and middle finger. She sighed knowing if she didn't go along with whatever the red and black mech wanted he'd never stop bugging her about it.

Kennedy looked up approximately ten or so feet to meet the pleading gaze of Sideswipe, "What do you want to know?" Questions were their usual reason for seeking her out, though they normally didn't bring friends... Speaking of which, Bluestreak was being uncharacteristically quiet, and Sunstreaker hadn't passive aggressively insulted her yet... They were planing something.

Sideswipe's optics lit up like a Christmas tree, confirming her suspicions, which for Cybertronians was literally possible since their eyes do glow.

"So, you know how lately all of us mechs installed new coding made by our ally company, ParasiTech? The ones that allow humans with unique EM fields to merge with us?" He made the topic sound so innocent, like he was discussing the weather despite him talking about a semi-confidential military secret. Semi-confidential meaning everyone knows it but pretends not to.

Kennedy frowned suspiciously at the frontliner not liking where this topic was heading.

Sideswipe not noticing, or more likely pretending not to, continued. "So Boss Bot syncs up well with Marissa and Hot Rods' got Shaoshao, and a few other girls here have the ability..."

She was starting to feel a little sick.

Gesturing to the other bots around him he asked, "So we all made a bet, wanting to know if you were a kissplayer like the other human femmes." The term kissplayer was coined by the male science staff of ParasiTech, a nickname that still simultaneously ticked her off and confused her.

Forcing down her gag reflex at the mention of the accursed coding and taking a few deep breaths, Kennedy's ungloved hand fumbled around her tool belt for her worry stone. What a loaded topic.

Rubbing the smooth, curved hunk of mineral between her thumb and her middle finger, she started up her pre-written speech, made just for moments like this; "From an outsiders perspective the whole thing is really disturbing, even for humans. First I'd have to kiss one of you great lugs, then _somehow_ get sucked into your body, I don't even want to start on how that's physically impossible, you fight the bad guys yadda yadda. I'd then get pushed out of you _naked_ and covered in sticky white slime. What part of this doesn't scream Japanese porn to you? Not even normal porn, JAPANESE porn.

"And besides, that's if I even am one. I'm just the unlucky intern of Mr. Spectacular Malfunction here. I have nothing to do with you lot and your war, let alone fighting it. What are the infinitesimal chances of me being a kissplayer? If I felt like working up a sweat I'd tell you.

"So if you please, I have a circuit breaker the size of a billboard to fix."

Hmm, seemed as if her rant had the wanted effect. Bluestreak looked like a scolded puppy with his wing kibble drooping and dimmed optics, Trailbreaker was standing there awkwardly looking away, as if he never really thought about the new program from the humans point of view and Sunstreaker just looked like someone pissed in his cereal. Which to be honest was his default expression. Sideswipe on the other hand had the scariest look possible on his face.

Determination.

Kennedy tensed. Suddenly it seemed her rubbing stone wasn't enough.

The red mech grinned down at her. "We all have the programming, we just need to find the matching EM field. You've seen how effective the upgrades are!" He swooped down to where she was relaxing on the ladder and scooped her up in his favorite way. Hand wrapped around her body, head and arms poking out the top of his hand, feet hanging in the air under his fist. Weirdo.

"All you have to do is prove your not a kissplayer by doing this once, and we'll leave you alone and never bother you about it again. Unless of course you are one and are scared of what happens if we find out." He taunted, servo on hipstrut, knowing she could never pass up a challenge.

Snug in his grip, Kennedy knew from previous experience that struggling in this hold was useless and the best thing to do in this situation is to hold on tight and hope it ends before her shift is over.

* * *

As Sideswipe carried Kennedy away Bluestreak looked at Trailbreaker and Sunstreaker with a lost look on his face plates.

"What does human self service have to do with sticky white slime?"


End file.
